christina \ queer \ chicago \ 20

Things feel so different. I want to change I want to live my fucking life and if that means I have to live with my parents with a few months then I’m okay with that. I only want positive people in my life and I’m going to stop smoking weed all the time because I don’t need to numb the pain anymore; because I realized that drugs didn’t numb the pain they only make you feel different. Though the addicts I met were victims of circumstance and genetics, the crystal meth and the alcohol ruined their fucking lives but they were still good people.

I’m in the waiting room at the hospital yayyyy

At least I know I’m smart enough to stop myself I guess.
I don’t know if I will be admitted. Or how many days I will be here. But I do know my mind is in a dangerous place and I don’t trust myself to be by myself right now because the consequences are terrifying.

seroquel makin me sleepy and relaxed. zzzzz gnight. hopefully i wont feel too groggy when i wake up; then i will see if i should stick to it.

"   The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.   "
Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women (via thelostdeer)

The psychiatrist gave me more meds today to help the side effects of my meds im already taking. like ok. Thankx for the Seroquel.